The monk who did not attain Nirvana - Short Story

Sometimes it is strange how one gets to topics which you never expect. This one happened when I travelled to Simla to attend a Global Conclave on Climate Change, where I happened to be having an early dinner at the Press Club and by chance met this old timer Kartar Singh, who I revered for his knowledge and writing style. He was an acclaimed Journalist and much sought after. Having a conversation with him itself was a cherished moment in my life. Over a few glasses of Indian Whisky the conversations flowed easily, as the chill set in  and one was drawn in by the warmth of his company.

As time went by, he narrated to me the tale of Ananda who was a young monk who went in search of Nirvana and was disillusioned with the path it took. I have made my best effort to put the tale in a conversational form and impart what I felt at that time to be some solace and illumination. So let me narrate the story - 

The monastery was desolate and time passed incrementally. Seasons changed, disciples came and went, yet Ananda remained - calm in appearance, disciplined in conduct, but inwardly unfinished. One evening, beneath a sky heavy with stars, he sat before his Guru for another communion.

Ananda: Master, I have understood that the world is full of sorrow. I have accepted that Nirvana is the end of the cycle of suffering, the release from birth and death. Yet Nirvana has never touched me. Why?

Guru: You speak of truth, Ananda, but truth understood is not always truth lived. Tell me - what is Moksha?

Ananda: Moksha is freedom from suffering. MO is delusion, KSHA is the end of delusion. It is Mukti - release from the eternal cycle of life and death.

Guru: And how is Nirvana achieved?

Ananda: By the extinction of desires… by the extinction of passion, aversion, and delusion.

The Guru looked at Ananda gently, his silence deeper than words.

Guru: Then listen carefully. You never attained Nirvana because one desire never left you.

Ananda: I gave up comfort, identity, even fear of death. What desire remained?

Guru: The desire to attain Nirvana. You went with the purpose of attaining Nirvana, but Nirvana comes naturally, you cannot seek it, you cannot extrapolate without knowing the true meaning. It can only be attained when the sum total of all your compassion, desire, ambitions, goals & beliefs are extinguished, removed from your Atman.

Ananda bowed deeply. “Master,” he said, “I have traveled far seeking Nirvana. Please tell me where I can find it.”

The guru smiled gently.

“Why do you seek it?” he asked.

“Because Nirvana is the ultimate peace,” Ananda replied. “I wish to reach it.”

The guru picked up a cup, dipped it into the river, and held it out to Ananda and asked him to drink it.

Ananda drank the cool water gratefully.

“Now, tell me,” said the guru, “did you search for the river after you were already standing in it?”

Ananda looked confused, the guru pointed to the river - “Look at that water. Does it struggle to flow?”

“No.”

“Does it ask where the ocean is?”

“No, Master.”

“Yet it reaches the ocean.”

“You cannot seek Nirvana like a place on earth,” the guru continued. “The more you chase it, the farther it moves away. Nirvana is not something you find. It is something that happens when seeking ends.”

Ananda sat quietly.

“All these years,” the guru said softly, “you have been running toward peace. But peace appears when the running stops.”

Ananda’s breath trembled.

Ananda: Is compassion a chain, Master?

Guru: Compassion is pure when it flows without a self. But when it carries the thought I am "needed", it becomes a subtle attachment. That desire keeps the sense of attachment alive. You have compromised on your compassion as you do it with an end goal.

Ananda: So my self never fully dissolved…

Guru: Yes. Nirvana requires the complete extinction of becoming. Until the Atman merges with Brahman, without even the idea of service or sacrifice, the cycle does not end.

Ananda: Then I remained in the world by choice, not failure.

Guru: Exactly. You never missed Nirvana - you postponed it. You chose the world of sorrow so others might find their way. “All these years,” the guru said softly, “you have been running toward peace. But peace appears when the running stops.” And that, Ananda, is why you never attained Nirvana - because you loved the world enough to stay.

Ananda bowed, his face peaceful at last.

Ananda: Then let it be so. If Nirvana is the end of suffering, I will walk among those who still suffer.

The Guru smiled.

This story kept me awake for days. Was it only nirvana that the Guru talked about, or are we all running behind things we don’t really need? Money, wealth, health, fame……are we all running inside a wheel without knowing where it will end? The thoughts still linger...

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